Wow what a roller coaster life is. One minute I’m thanking God for our safety in last weekends accident and the other I’m stressing out realizing the financial burden I have put on my husband and I. I sit here as we speak awaiting a phone call from our insurance adjuster. She is supposed to be calling us with an estimate on the damages of our car. I don’t know which to hope for….a total loss so I can get a new car and get back to work….or it’s fixable and I have to wait for the car to be fixed before going back to work but I get my car back.
As I contemplate this I begin to wonder about how trivial my situation is to so many people at this moment. Yes it’s a big deal to me but at the same time I have a friend whose 2 year old daughter is in the hospital and we are praying for her to regain function of her kidney’s so that she isn’t on dialysis for the rest of her life. (Her name is Eliza, please keep her in your prayers! We know that God can perform miracles.) Isn’t it amazing how no matter what we are going through there is always someone in a worse situation than ours…but at the same time there is always someone in a better one. We always feel we are either the one in between or the one that’s worse off. We can never seem to feel like we are the one on top, at least not for very long. Knowing me and how I react to everything, even if our car is totaled and I get a new car I’ll still feel like the one in between. I might for a little bit, maybe a day, feel like the one on top but it won’t last long.
It makes me wonder if God allows me to feel like this on purpose. I think of Esther, now there’s a roller coaster. She was the one on top…she was queen! She may not have started out there but the roller coaster eventually stopped there. But she couldn’t forget those worse off, her people. God had put her in a position (on top) so that she could help those on the bottom.
Maybe I don’t ever feel like I’m the one on top, at least not for very long, but I can help those on the bottom. I can help them so that being on the bottom is only a temporary thing. Even if I can’t do anything specific in their situation I can pray. God has called us all to pray. We are to pray for those one top and those on the bottom. As you go about your day today think about that and say a prayer for 2 people….top and bottom.
My first entry to the world of blogs. I have been a member of a forum for about a year and just recently started reading different blogs. The more I would leave posts on other blogs, the more I realized I was leaving the kind of comments that I needed to put on a blog of my own. I am definitely a product of my generation and am constantly online. Being a stay at home mom allows me the privileges of being online a lot.
As I sit here typing I listen to my husband’s video game and my 3 year old talking to my 2 month old….he’s doing all he can to make her smile and when she starts to cry he repeats “sorry” over and over. Life is so interesting. The thing I love best about being a mother is looking at life through my kids eyes. Sunday morning the kids and I were on our way to church (my husband Brad had left earlier than us) and we had an accident. Due to the sun and some very tall bushes I could not see the stop sign in the neighborhood I was driving in. I was driving east and another car was driving south and we ran into each other. The kids, along with me, both started crying and our 3 year old son was very shaken and wouldn’t even talk until my husband arrived. Our 2 month old little girl however was done crying by the time I got out of the car and fell right back to sleep. Despite a sore arm and neck on me everyone was ok.
I say all that to say that as I sit here tonight 2 1/2 days later I still can’t get it out of my head. Every quiet moment I have I replay the accident in my head. Yet my husband and 2 kids are past it and laughing and playing together. It is such a huge help to be able to watch them and know life goes on. A part of me was annoyed all day Sunday that everyone else’s life was still going while I felt mine was on hold. Today I realize that I have to continue on and know that God has everything under control in His hands.
Which reminds me of something else…people who might say “where was God during your accident?” To me He was right there beside me, He kept my foot from being a little heavier on the gas so that I wasn’t going any faster than I was. If I had been going any faster (I usually do have a heavy foot) than the other vehicle would have gone right into the driver side of the car, where my son sits right behind me. I don’t even want to imagine that happening. And that’s where God was right with me keeping me from going just the slightest bit faster. Needless to say my faith got a little stronger with this realization!!
(my favorite verse) Hebrews 11:1 – “Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you can not see. ” I hope for much and can never see where it all will come from but I know the God that created the world and that put everything in motion so I know that He is who I put my faith in and that He will be there for me every moment of the day and night.